Tuesday, October 9, 2012

here i am now....

  since my camera went crazy, my husband and children bought me one for my birthday.  perhaps i will post photos of my work when i upload the pictures, add them to a collection of completed projects and make a complete spread.  in fact, it would be a good idea to make a hard copy, as well, bind it, and have it on hand to remind me of past creations.  so when i begin to feel as if i am going nowhere, like now, i can remind myself of where i've been and why i prefer to be home most of the time making use of the abilities i have left.  

  sounds good, will i actually do it, like the etsy thing i've been encouraged to do, but have not moved forward on either?  the thing is, i am alone in my work and probably due to my own feelings i think, i feel as if i have to justify what i do with my time, since my home is not nicely decorated and my garden looks more like an abandoned field.  yes, i used to keep a tidy home, be current with the news, and tend to my yard, but since i don't feel well most of the time, things have gone by the way side.

  i am proud of my children for spreading their wings and making their own nests, but now i can see i no longer meet their expectations, which only makes me feel worse.  instead of offering a hand now and then, the ones who live nearby or at least sounding interested from the ones who live afar.  only one is less judge mental, but none the less seems embarrassed of me to her other half and his loved ones....which is huge, supportive of one another most of the time, and spend time together often.  yes, i am kicking myself, i know.

  even my better half feels lousy more and more, and tries to get things done, but we aren't spring chickens, over a half century of working class people (class, i loathe that word), who usually have trouble getting out of the right side of the bed....shift work is killing us, but hey, it's work, at least!!!  we can't keep up, and if it wasn't for his ability to form great friendships we'd be long gone by now!  life is hard, and i work hard at keeping my chin up for him, because without him or my encouragement, we'd be completely lost.

  where am i going with all this prattle?  i don't know, maybe just getting it off my chest, and perhaps communicating with someone else out there who also is floating aimlessly hears me.  it's not what your family or best friends (do i have any), want to deal with. so a total stranger won't be afraid i'm asking for something or other and therefore i can't lose them, because i never 'had' them anyway.  if i'm heard, and you want to respond, go ahead, but please just don't kick me anymore than i'm doing.  whatever.  hopefully, yes, i do have faith of their being some, my next post will be positive and have something good to present!

  g'nite george.