I read a quote recently, something to the effect of I once felt abandoned, but now I realize I have been set free.

Still here, hard to believe it's 2015! 

Started out on the right foot, brought in the new year with a warm hug and kiss from my dear Lenny. Next I sang out "HAPPY NEW YEAR!", accompanied by the traditional banging of wooden spoons on pots and pans, following in my parents footsteps. Then enjoyed fireworks displays up and down the river, until we got too cold to handle anymore.

Somewhere over the years I learned to do something on January 1st. to signify what I enjoy doing . I chose to sew! Which I have continued to do, making things almost everyday.

I hope it is a good year for everyone and that Peace rules the world!

so I've been wondering if anyone does take a gander at my words or photos. if you do, then please leave a comment so i know who is there.  if no one responds then i guess my words are just blowing in the wind. 

sewing...am enjoying doing so more and more, a little here and a little there.  wish i had contact with my grandchildren more often so that i could make things that will fit!  it's just a shot in the dark as things stand.  heck I'd enjoy just seeing or talking to them from time to time. what a drag, actually down right depressing... they are usually the last thing i think about when i go to bed and the first thing in the morning.  i love them so much, along with my children and their spouses. it wouldn't hurt to hear from them more often as well.

i think I'll get back to some sewing that i enjoy for sure to help pull me up and out of my sadness...i love you family, SO much!  please call me.

strange things happen on computers...

...one never knows what it will do.  for instance, somehow while writing this post, I touch the 't' key and a new tab opens up.  somehow I must have touched something, I don't know.  has this ever happened to you?
otherwise it is a lovely day on the river, nice breeze, doggies hanging out with me on porch, and it is quiet, peaceful, calm....just what I needed right now.  Well I think I'll go make something....childrens hats, a pinafore...hey it did it again, 2 tabs and no 't' was touched! time to go, it must be a ghost telling me to do what i like...create!

The day after Kate's annual porch party...it was right as rain. Sure felt like August weather with the backdrop of fall gardens, corn fields and woods all around. Kate and Chris have made their new place in Maryland, a home that fits them like a glove, as if they have always lived there! Family, friends, and food, with a couple of dogs made the day complete. Conversation and quite, Sarah's swing and horse shoes rounded out things very well. Unfortunately, Len had to work, while Mike and Pat could not attend either, due to a bug Mike had to contend with. Other wise, all was good.

just when you think...

all's well, you find it's just your imagination running away with you......
Life is great on the home front, which is oh so wonderful.  Love and respect is very important, you know the whole "do unto others as you would have others do unto you."  So, we get the economy package, no pets allowed, the carrot just out of reach, uh, we're running late and don't have time to talk right now, please leave a message and we will get back to everyone but you. Yeah, the entire village and a pack of wolves get front row seats.
that's just the way it is baby, baby.......

nah, it ain't over until the fat lady sings.

i'm done

the end

Change

It is indeed time for a change. 

The Serenity Prayer is correct and I must apply it to my life.  I want to stop crying about my life, and give my family a break!!!  You are more important than all this other crap I have been spewing, maybe I just needed to purge my negative feelings and try harder to be happy....less talk and more action, photos, art, and most of all love!

Here is a close up of the ornament exchange I participated in some years back with Kathy Torrence and a bunch of women she knows.  I enjoyed making these and intend to make more with Cynthia, my son's girlfriend for 2013 Christmas season.

This is the beaded hair decoration I made for my daughter-in-law Melissa.  She was not able to use the entire piece along with her veil, so one of the wired beads framed the veil and looked very nice in her beautiful hair!  What a beautiful bride she was, and we are so happy to have her in our family.

 Some macrame' key chains I enjoyed making.

Wire baskets - made out of hardware cloth and added some inexpensive beads for color.

A favorite of mine....an altered tape dispenser I use almost every day!

Collage

Here are a variety of cards I enjoyed making for all occasions...

Heat embossed and Mosaic

Flora and Fauna

A few more heat embossed

Just one of the cards I made with my collection of Dog stamps

An Angel Exchange Project I participated in many years ago with Milliande's Art Group.

A small collection of ephemera that I enclosed in the Angel's book box...papers, fibers, and a handful of small things to make more art with.  She flew across the ocean to a fellow artist in England, I hope she enjoyed it.  Unfortunately, the one I was to receive got lost in the mail....I would have treasured it always.

These photos are a small collection of some of my projects, there are many more.  I have been making a variety of other items with my sewing machine recently...all kinds of bags, and some clothing for my grandchildren.

looks like an interesting magazine to find...

     My first attempt at 'off the cuff ' sewing, I am happy to show.  The fabric is hand dyed muslin, the trims are gathered fabric, the flower,as well; double-sided ribbon machine embroidered onto the dress, and the lined yoke has netting on top of it just in the front. Since I cut the bottom of the dress on the bias, it made a nice full circle skirt! I made it just to see if I could.  I am happy with it!

i wish i may, i wish i might, have my wish come true tonight:

for my children to know how very much i love and respect them
: to accept me as i am
: to lend a hand now and then...they do try in many ways, i know...they are embarrassed, and are too ashamed to come over.  it's just that i can't handle this old house by myself...just now and then would be nice, especially for holidays when they all come round, it's just too hard.  i try, and so does my lenny, but i end up getting hurt and try putting on a good face when they visit.  people who have arthritis and fibromyalgia know what i mean.  you fall apart before hand with anxiety, and afterwards you break down physically and crying your heart out in pain, loneliness, and depression.
: to see i am unable to do what they want...they have no idea how bad things really are, and believe me i hate talking about it to them just as much as they hate to hear it, so we don't.  but do they really think it just disappears if it is not acknowledged?
: to love me as i am, as i do you.  as Mom Mom always said, and i say now, "do unto others, as you would have others do unto you".
: to respect me as their mother...don't raise your voice at me anymore, please stop, you have no idea how much it hurts and only makes things worse.  please be nice, let's talk...i will listen.
: to love and respect their father, too...he has worked so hard all of his life to be here for us.  we are all he has ever wanted, and he misses all of you so very much.  call him, hug him, show him you care.

i love you,
mama

why today you may ask, am i thinking and saying these things?  i had a hearing today for ssi, i won't get it, but i tried...to help pay for my medical issues.  it was humiliating, embarrassing,  and so belittling.  so writing it here, i know no one hears me either, but i can pretend i am sharing it with someone.

here i am now....

  since my camera went crazy, my husband and children bought me one for my birthday.  perhaps i will post photos of my work when i upload the pictures, add them to a collection of completed projects and make a complete spread.  in fact, it would be a good idea to make a hard copy, as well, bind it, and have it on hand to remind me of past creations.  so when i begin to feel as if i am going nowhere, like now, i can remind myself of where i've been and why i prefer to be home most of the time making use of the abilities i have left.  

  sounds good, will i actually do it, like the etsy thing i've been encouraged to do, but have not moved forward on either?  the thing is, i am alone in my work and probably due to my own feelings i think, i feel as if i have to justify what i do with my time, since my home is not nicely decorated and my garden looks more like an abandoned field.  yes, i used to keep a tidy home, be current with the news, and tend to my yard, but since i don't feel well most of the time, things have gone by the way side.

  i am proud of my children for spreading their wings and making their own nests, but now i can see i no longer meet their expectations, which only makes me feel worse.  instead of offering a hand now and then, the ones who live nearby or at least sounding interested from the ones who live afar.  only one is less judge mental, but none the less seems embarrassed of me to her other half and his loved ones....which is huge, supportive of one another most of the time, and spend time together often.  yes, i am kicking myself, i know.

  even my better half feels lousy more and more, and tries to get things done, but we aren't spring chickens, over a half century of working class people (class, i loathe that word), who usually have trouble getting out of the right side of the bed....shift work is killing us, but hey, it's work, at least!!!  we can't keep up, and if it wasn't for his ability to form great friendships we'd be long gone by now!  life is hard, and i work hard at keeping my chin up for him, because without him or my encouragement, we'd be completely lost.

  where am i going with all this prattle?  i don't know, maybe just getting it off my chest, and perhaps communicating with someone else out there who also is floating aimlessly hears me.  it's not what your family or best friends (do i have any), want to deal with. so a total stranger won't be afraid i'm asking for something or other and therefore i can't lose them, because i never 'had' them anyway.  if i'm heard, and you want to respond, go ahead, but please just don't kick me anymore than i'm doing.  whatever.  hopefully, yes, i do have faith of their being some, my next post will be positive and have something good to present!

  g'nite george.

I'm so in love with making things!  It keeps me from going absolutely crazy, as if I'm not loo loo enough!  Have been sewing away and decided to get one of those sewing mannequins, the one you can adjust to your size, I've sized it and am ready to go to town. Can't wait to make my first garment with it, no more guessing and hoping it fits, right?  btw

Having just celebrated my birthday, my husband and children have given me camera money, so I am trying on my second one this week.  Did not like the coolpix, and am now checking out a nikon.  Would love to have one with a viewfinder, as well, but of course that makes them pricier.  Soon, I will be back in the swing of things taking many photos.  It is fun fiddling around with them...working out the kinks as to what I really want.  Not something too 'flashy', hah!  Just one that isn't too heavy, and will allow me to capture moments with my family, flora & fauna, and the things I enjoy making.

Sewing, yes, I am having a great time with new fabrics, my collection of older fabrics, and the great free patterns on line.  The books I have gotten recently with patterns and instructions, as well,  for making clothing for my grandchildren are so much fun.  I've been pulling out my Somerset magazines, some old and new....from aprons, altering, sewing and crafts.  Pulling them all together letting my mind and hands take me where they want to go, those things are working great and it helps to make me forget about other stuff. 

Since my camera went ca put!, I don't have photos of all the goodies I have made and sent off near and far for my children's children, and more.  Darn, I always want pictures to help me remember what I've made, otherwise 'boom' they are gone from memory exactly what they look like.  From dresses, aprons, fleece pants, and bags, jewelry, cards, books, altered art, etc...have to remedy that soon.   Just another thing to add to the list of things to get done.  If the things on the list each weighed a pound, my sons would not be able to pick it up.

Also, I have gotten out of the house a bunch more, and even though 'me bones is achin', I can say, at least I am happy right now, and that is all that counts.

Altered beginnings....

I have recently realized where my altered works come from, they come from my soul seeking peace and quiet.   Art has always been my saving grace, from sewing t o painting, paper and fabric are waiting in my studio to be altered.  Having been through many transformations from precocious child, back talking preteen, curious teenager, to the wife, mother, and grandmother I had always hoped to be.  "I may not always be right, but am seldom wrong." Author Unknown
 
Art has always been there for me throughout all of these transitions, along with my devoted and loving parents.  My parents may no longer visibly be seen other than cherished photographs, but are always in my heart and mind.  I thank them every day and pray they watch over my family and guide them in some way.  I love you Mom and Dad.

So Much to Do!

....and so happy to be doing what I can!  Went to a mosaic lesson at the library with my sister Kate and niece Sarah last Tuesday.  Have yet to finish my project, but it is something new for me.  Along with a variety of many other art projects going on at home...cards, tags, and always gifts to make.

 Speaking of gifts, I managed to finish the Christmas presents for my grand babies!  I don't even think I took photos of what I made, but I am just glad to have got them out in time to Alaska for Miranda & Henry, and on Christmas Eve at home for Harper! Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year's to all!

Of course, these are not current photos, but they are what I have on my laptop right now, which I am using to update my blog.  Miranda is now five years old, Henry is seventeen months, and Harper is fourteen months old.  They are the light of our lives!

Oldies But Goodies...

Lost and found art project photos on pc to upload.  These are not new projects, just ones I've neglected to add.

Yes, I am still here, the house is a mess, but I am happy...

where oh where am i in this cluttered up mess!

     not a total loss though, Len has a JOB, YAY!!!
he started yesterday, and we couldn't be happier, he actually is smiling again!
it is so wonderful, he comes home tired, takes a nap, has dinner, we talk for a while and then he goes to sleep.  all fine and dandy with me, for sure!  I set up his coffee, make his lunch, tidy up and go to sleep, it is fantastic.  thank you to all the prayers and help along the way, God Bless everyone indeed! 
getting to be late tonight, but that is okay, I will be up to make sure he gets out of the door okay, and then I can take an extra snooze.  I love you Len, and I am very proud of you, as always, your Annie.

what will we do?

     Time is running out, don't know how much more we can take...no job, unemployment is almost over, pension fund is low since we have been using that to help pay the monthly bills because you can't live on the government supplemental income.  So, this week we are meeting with a counselor to help us decide what our options are: bankruptcy, sell the house and everything we can part with and will no longer need?  

      Then we will have to move in with some friends who have offered us space to store our belongings, and a bedroom for us, too.  They are prime examples of Good Samaritans who we have been blessed with!  We will be the best guests as possible while we try to find our own downsized digs.  Our dogs will be with us, so we will have our hands full.  Please God,help Lenny find a job soon, please.